today i heard 2 kids talking about buying fake IDs after school and so i started eavesdropping cuz u know thats big kid stuff and then one was like “yeah but is all this really worth it like im pretty sure the fake IDs cost more than the fish we r gonna buy”
to buy fish at petco u have to be 18 or older
they were going to get fakes to buy fish
WHAT THE FUCK
SOMEONE CAME UP FOR THE IDEA OF THIS.
SOMEONE WROTE A SCRIPT FOR THIS.
SOMEONE UTTERED THESE WORDS INTO A MICROPHONE.
SOMEONE ANIMATED THIS.
SOMEONE GREENLIGHTED THIS.
SOMEONE DIRECTED THIS.
SOMEONE PRODUCED THIS.
DID NOT ONE PERSON EVER STOP TO THINK THAT MAYBE THIS WAS A TERRIBLE IDEA?
"Maybe if your dick was thicker than your goddamn eyebrows we wouldn’t be having this conversation" —Gay couple arguing outside Walmart (via dacelio)
'girlfriend' by avril lavigne came out seven years ago
i don’t like your fun fact
I think you need to stop that
futurama is one of those shows that lures you in by being funny and then rips your fucking heart out
If you didn’t know the hand was her father, the squid thing her mother, her parents left her at an orphanage when she was a baby but in reality were looking out for her all her life
what makes it even sadder is the reason they left her in an orphanage. they didn’t want her to know she was a mutant. they wanted her to live a normal human life so they gave her up while they live in the sewers as mutants.
Bo Burnham on The Pete Holmes Show - 3/5/14
imagine an entire room and it’s all bed
no floor, just bed
you roll too far to one side? don’t worry, bed’s still there
all is bed
AWW THE ROOM COMES WITH A COMFY LOOKING HUG JACKET
this is exactly the reason why people think everybody here is on drugs
the best way to summarize sex education in america right now is that most teenage boys think the hymen makes a popping sound when penetrated and most teenage girls don’t know what a hymen is
Polite elephant crosses multiple farms on her voyage without damaging a single fence